Surprisingly, of all living beings, only humans can experience guilt.
It is inherent in each of us and occurs when we violate our moral attitudes, do something that contradicts internal beliefs. This feeling protects society, preventing most of us from behaving aggressively or immorally.
But all is well in moderation. Unfortunately, there are situations when you constantly feel guilty in reality, without having done anything wrong.
In this case, we are already talking about unhealthy, neurotic guilt.
This feeling is considered destructive and, the faster the awareness of the inadequacy of guilt occurs,the less damage.
Here’s a checklist that will help you identify neurotic guilt.
1. No one blames, but there is a sense of guilt.
No one is accusing you of anything, nothing happened, but you feel guilty.
My mother didn’t call today, I guess someone told her about me, exactly, exactly, and she’s sitting there upset, it’s my fault.
This situation is about inadequate guilt.
2. Focus on yourself, not the “victim”.
Raising your voice to a subordinate, you blame yourself for being an intemperate, arrogant person, but for some reason you do not worry about the feelings of a colleague, do not try to put yourself in his place.
You just spend all day self-flagellation.
This is about inadequate guilt.
3. And it’s raining because of me, too.
You blame yourself for something that is beyond your responsibility and capabilities.
Your loved one dies because of an illness related to their bad habits, and you execute yourself. Or your little sister has bad luck with guys, and you feel guilty for not teaching her how to understand people. Or your partner yells, raises his hand, and you think it’s because of your behavior that he shows himself.
This point is one of the most striking indicators of the tendency to neurotic guilt.
4. Don’t think about the green monkey!
You blame yourself for “bad” thoughts, “wrong” dreams,” inappropriate ” feelings.
Once, when you were upset, you thought it would be better to live without a family, and now you can’t stop punishing yourself for these ideas.
But the fact is that it is almost impossible to control your thoughts, desires, and dreams.
5. And in Africa, children are starving!
You blame yourself for making someone’s life worse.
A friend earns less, a friend won’t even scrape together Turkey, and you’re back in the Maldives, my grandmother is forced to sell flowers at the metro station, while you buy shoes here.
At the same time, the difficult situation of people around you is completely unrelated to you. You didn’t take my grandmother’s apartment, you didn’t force your friend to drink instead of work.
6. Proportions are broken.
The strength and depth of guilt does not correspond to the magnitude of the offense.
It was not possible to arrive on time once, and self-flagellation for two weeks. Once in the ninth grade, there was a quarrel with a friend or a friend, and Vina still, at 35 years old, walks with you, snapped at her husband, and you feel like a traitor who left him to die of thirst in the desert.
Is there a match? So your sense of guilt is inadequate.