Preparing for a date

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There are people who feel no anxiety whatsoever before going on a date. There are also those who experience all sorts of trepidation, from slight excitement to full-fledged paralyzing panic. 

If you are the latter, let’s try to lower your anxiety. 

Our goal is to shift your focus to yourself. Usually, worrying a lot before a date means that you are fixated on making the right impression, on “selling yourself”. 

1. What to talk about? 

When we are on a date, we get to know each other better and find common things. Nevertheless, sometimes we feel so worried during the date that no questions come to mind. It happens, and it’s alright. 

You can make a list of topics for discussion in advance: what you’d like to tell about yourself, what you’d like to know about your date, etc. Most importantly, think about the things you personally like to talk about. 

Naturally, no need to take out a piece of paper and adhere to it. 

The goal of this practice is to simply systematize the thoughts in your head and relieve the tension associated with “What will we even talk about?!” 

2. What do you want to be like today? 

Pick the clothes that will make you feel confident and comfortable. Sometimes, we want to make an impression and wear a dress that’s too uncomfortable, or high heels that make it hard to walk, or a suit that would be better for an official meeting.  Supposedly, all of these things look extremely sexy and make an incredible impression. 

But… The result is quite the opposite.

Your goal is to make up a look that will suit your current mood, make it easy for you to move and feel comfortable. 

Ask yourself a question, “What do I want to be like today?” 

Of course, it would also be great to keep relevance in mind. If your date is in a park, classic shoes or a frock would likely be out of place.   

3. A stop list

Remember that it’s not just your date sizing you up, you are also deciding whether you want to be in touch with this person in the future. In advance, make a stop list of things that you cannot tolerate in a person. For example, abusing alcohol, humiliating other people, etc. 

These items should be actually relevant, making you uncomfortable or disturbed, rather than some elevated expectations (“euh, why would anyone use an Android instead of an iPhone?”). 

4. A letter of self-support

Write yourself a letter with some words of support. If it’s difficult, write the things you would tell your child or a close friend in the same situation. Try to read it before entering the place of your date. Such letters fill you with warmth and give you confidence.

If you are too lazy to write a letter, a small message in a messenger sent to your own phone would also work. 

5. Unloading

Before getting ready to go on a date, arrange an unloading session for yourself, for example, dance for 15 minutes or make some exercises. This will improve your body tone and relieve tension.      

If you feel shy when talking to your date, move your shoulders from side to side, it helps to remove the block of shyness.