Relationships do not always develop according to the classical rules and ideal scenarios: two people living next door meet each other and fall in love. Sometimes, the “the one and the only” person you need may live hundreds or maybe even thousands of miles away. Maybe they even live on another continent and you are separated by mountains and oceans.
Could such a relationship be viable? Yes. But, in general, only if the couple is planning to transition to another format, which is the motivation and, in fact, the goal of being in such relationships. Let’s compare the two scenarios.
Irina and Omar have been married for three years. Omar was offered a very good contract in another country for one and a half years. After discussing everything, the couple decided that they will manage – this contract would be very good for Omar’s career growth. And the money that he will earn will help them pay down the mortgage. Once every three months, Irina visits Omar for one week. And the rest of the time they constantly stay in touch by messaging and video-calls.
Natalie and Ian met on the internet. Natalie lives in Russia, and Ian – in the US. They have been communicating for more than a year. They write each other emails, and sometimes have video calls – but not too often, there isn’t much time. Natalie is in love and thinks that she has a boyfriend. At the same time, Ian is not planning to visit Russia and is not inviting Natalie to visit him. When a conversation about a meeting comes up, he switches the topic.
In the first scenario, the couple has clearly defined conditions. Irina and Omar have a very good (and most importantly, the same!) understanding of their relationship and where it is going. In the case of Natalie and Ian, the situation is completely different…
To summarize, if you have a long-distance relationship, here are the recommendations for how to support it:
- 1. Trust each other
Trust is important for any relationship. But for long-distance ones – this is an absolute must. If one of the partners gets it into their head that the other one has too many opportunities for an affair – the relationship is done for. Neurosis and tantrums are guaranteed, and this, as you understand, is a bad basis for any interaction. It’s simple: either you trust your partner – or this quest is not for you and your nervous system.
- 2. Do not control and do not be paranoid
This point is the continuation of the previous one. If one person starts controlling every step of their partner – this is not a good sign. “Why didn’t you pick up right away? Usually, you are online at 6:50, and now it is already 6:57 – where were you?” “Why weren’t you online from 2 to 3? You were out? With whom?” “I noticed that you were on WhatsApp at half-past midnight. We finished our call at 12:20 – with whom were you chatting?”
- 3. Share the details of your life with your partner
Because you don’t have the opportunity to share 100% of your everyday life, inform your partner about what is happening with you. Tell them both events that are happening in your life and share your feelings and emotions. You could discuss exhibitions and movies that you have seen. You can tell your partner the thoughts that you had today, the dreams that you had, your desires, your sexual fantasies – all this will bring you closer.
- 4. Do things together as much as you can
There are many things you could do together even if you are apart: listen to music, watch a movie (you can use chat to discuss what is going on), have dinner over a video call, and even… – we think you know what we mean. ?
All this brings you closer and shortens the distance. Remoteness is difficult because it separates you and creates barriers to intimacy.
- 5. See each other often.
Yes – do it at every possibility. Do not try to save money, time, or energy when there is the smallest chance to see each other, to spend time together, to “soak up” each other for days and weeks ahead. You could arrange meetings on neutral territory and go on a date like on vacation.
And one more thing. Do not allow anybody else to decide whether your relationship is “normal”. Not everything in this world is “square”. If your couple can manage a long-distance relationship, and you know that someday it will turn into a more complete version – go ahead. The main thing is to have desire and love.