If, despite the considerable age in your passport and less than Herculean health, your soul is still young, that’s wonderful! Your mind is open to everything new, you know how to surprise and be surprised, and look into the future with genuine interest.
And now, one question: can one also say that they’re “young at heart” about a person whose actions and opinions appear childish and immature?
Unlikely. Rather, we’d conclude that we have before us a simply infantile person who can’t (or doesn’t want to) grow up.
A childish immature position is not just naivety and indecision. This is a voluntary entrustment of one’s fate and one’s happiness into the wrong hands. If it’s easier for you when the people around you decide how and with whom you live, where you work and how you relax, and even what you wear and eat, then we have two pieces of news for you.
The Bad: not having matured, you’re dooming yourself to the fact that nothing in this life will ever go your way, which means that the topic of happiness, pleasure and harmony is forever closed to you.
The Good: there’s a way out. You have to say goodbye to childish helplessness, grow up and start building your life on the basis of your desires and goals.
It’s not easy, it’s not fast, but it’s worth it! If you no longer have the strength to follow other people’s rules, constantly abandoning your own desires and plans, then we are ready to help you take the first steps towards growing up and gaining control over your life.
What will we be changing:
A scary word for any “adult child”. But there are no options here: either you gather courage and begin to take responsibility, or others do it for you, and you continue to be a puppet in their hands.
Your health, lifestyle, career, personal connections should all be your area of responsibility. Without searching for the guilty and the ungrateful. Only that way will you get full control over how all these components of your life will look and what changes (desired by you) will occur in them.
Having your own views, principles and beliefs, as well as the ability to stand up for them is another sign of a grown-up. This means that you are aware of your position, and you won’t abandon it immediately after the first critical remark (especially an out-of-line one). However, constant obstinacy in the style of “there are only two opinions: mine and wrong”, is also more characteristic of children. An adult should be able to calmly sift someone else’s counter arguments through the prism of their worldview: agree, partially agree / conditionally agree, disagree”.
This is a very complex topic for a “little adult,” because he sees and feels himself exclusively through the opinions of others. Like in that joke: “Isa, go home! – Mom, am I cold? “No, you’re hungry.”
The sooner you understand your real feelings, sensations and desires, the easier it’ll be for you to understand the following: “Do I really want this, or is it convenient for someone that I would want this?” When you build a life taking into account your needs and requirements, the path to any goal you set becomes convenient and enjoyable for you.
Of course, it’s very nice when someone takes care of you. But if you delegate this function to other people, you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that care can be unpleasant, obsessive, and self-serving. Therefore, as a person who knows themselves well (see paragraph above), it’ll be more convenient and useful for you to take care of your own well-being. Only you know what’s best for you in moments of fatigue, how to have fun on vacation or which hobby to choose for the soul.
The more childish obedience you have, the more those around you violate your personal space. An adult says a categorical “no” and doesn’t experience the pangs of conscience when it comes to their internal boundaries. How to manage your time, whom to let into your home, what topics you don’t talk about, whether to let others touch you – all of this is your personal choice, which gives you the opportunity to live as you like and feel comfortable.
This might be unexpected, but it’s true: an adult knows that you need to learn all your life. This doesn’t mean that you must have an infinite number of higher education certificates or further education diplomas. You can learn from anything: new hobbies, master classes, books on self-development, sports, spiritual practices. Firstly, regular intellectual workload is the key to a long and high-quality work of your brain. Secondly, the larger your baggage of knowledge and skills, the easier it’ll be for you to go through difficult times and cope with life’s hardships.
Financial literacy is a separate topic. You can say it’s the business card of an adult. If you’re materially dependent on others and in case of force majeure you don’t have a single plan “B”, then this is not adult. In order to live according to your own scenario and satisfy your desires without forever looking at someone else’s wallet, it’s worth pumping up your knowledge on budgeting and thinking about other (additional) sources of income.
The path to growing up is difficult, but having said goodbye to your “childish helplessness” and having taken responsibility for your own decisions, you’ll be able to build a reality that you like and that doesn’t depend on “permission of other adults”.