None of us are perfect. Just accept that. Mary with her modelesque figure, Mr. Gene Smith with his iron self-discipline, and even “the son of my mother’s friend” also have flaws.
But whilst some people know how to live regularly with their imperfections and enjoy life, others are fighting the flaws from dusk till dawn and literally beating themselves up bloody, trying to achieve a mythical ideal.
The stronger our anger and the more active the fight against our own shortcomings, the more often attacks of apathy take place, and the level of energy and good mood drops to zero.
Let’s leave this obviously losing strategy behind and try to go the other way – first understand and accept our flaws, and only then develop a plan to deal with them.
Here are the 4 steps:
- Is it really me?
First, take a closer look: are all these flaws truly real and yours?
At times, some of the “flaws” are inspired by your loved ones (apparently, for your own good), some are imposed by fashion and the majority opinion, and something else has made an appearance because of the stinging remarks of jealous people.
Laughing loudly, wearing modest (or provocative) clothes, not being able to drive a car, being a fan of knitting instead of playing the stock exchange, having thin eyebrows or freckles all over your body – who told you that these things were bad?
Make a list of your flaws and ask each point:
- Where did I learn that this was a bad thing?
- If someone else has the same issue, am I also going to judge them and write it off as flaws?
- What makes you cool, bro?
Let’s translate the cons into the pros. So, write your flaws down in the column on the left side of a sheet (you can use the list from the first paragraph).
And now, across each of them, write down what benefit can be derived from this flaw, even if it’s a small or not a serious one.
- skin’s too dark: any bright clothes and jewelry look awesome on it.
- I don’t know how to look fashionable: I don’t waste a bunch of money and time on finding an outfit, but I use these resources for what I myself like and care about;
- I’m too sentimental: crying’s good for you – it reduces the risk of a heart attack.
As a result, you’ll see that shortcomings are a very relative issue with several sides.
- Let’s be honest
Another interesting exercise to understand and accept your flaws. Try to divide them into two groups: the first one is something that can really be eliminated, the second is what you just need to accept as a part of yourself. As a result, you will get a clear list of those flaws that you can really overcome if you wish, and you can already develop an action plan. And with the second list. you can work as outlined in clause 2.
For example, 1 – eliminating a flabby stomach: sports, nutrition, massage; 2 – accepting large eyes: they make it very easy to portray fright, naivety or confusion, depending on the situation.
- Avoid comparisons
Comparisons can’t be objective. Ever.
You don’t know how much time and energy another person invested in his “perfections”, you don’t know what other flaws and vices he has (and there definitely are some!). Any comparisons would only oppress you and diminish your self-confidence.
We all have flaws, but not all of us know how to manage them correctly. Self-flagellation, frequent feelings of guilt and shame, a fierce struggle with one’s bad qualities, or, conversely, a pronounced desire not to notice one’s own shortcomings are all signs of a lack of love for oneself.
Stage 1. First, write down a list of qualities that you perceive as shortcomings. Did you write it down? Then go to stage 2.
Stage 2. Now the fun begins. Look at your list and, across each of the qualities, write out a situation in which it was useful to you, turned out to be handy.
Does your flaw seem so terrible to you that it can’t be of any benefit anywhere and under no circumstances? Then you definitely need to look for something good in this flaw! Indeed, there are no absolute truths in our world. All our qualities are two-sided coins with a light and dark side. Any super-positive characteristic has its dark sides, and any quality that seems bad to us has something good in it. One only has to take a closer look!
So, it turns out that flaws are a very relative thing. When we know about its useful functions, it either ceases to be a flaw for us, or we begin to relate to it differently, with a large degree of acceptance.
Does this mean that your shortcomings must be accepted and aren’t subject to being overcome in any way? Not at all! Indeed, each of us has qualities that are hindering us from something, and which we’d like to change. However, the way that we do this is very important.
If we don’t accept a specific quality in ourselves, fight it, feel guilty or ashamed about it, we only make the very thing we’re fighting worse. After all, we’re fighting a part of ourselves!
The first step towards initiating the process of change is to accept ourselves fully, including all the qualities that we may or may not like. When we love and accept ourselves, it’s much easier for us to change and develop. After all, change is a creative process is inspired by love. And the fear of rejection, self-deprecation are what will slow down this process and keep us in the state we’re in.
Accept other people’s positive statements. If you are praised, say “Thank you.” It’s rude to reject sincere and honest compliments. Rejecting a compliment is a missed opportunity to create a positive relationship with a person and increase your self-esteem. Don’t stop your friends and relatives from appreciating you.
- If you are feeling very depressed, ask a loved one to name the qualities for which they appreciate you. Remember to thank and compliment them back.
Character flaws can be fixed. To start with, figure out whether any traits really prevent you from living and communicating with people. If so, analyze the events and actions that you think were wrong, and think about what you could have done differently. Mentally work through different versions of the course of events.
Some introspection and conclusion that next time you’ll do it differently is sufficient. No need for endless reflection, resulting in submission to insomnia and apathy.
What you consider to be flaws in your looks can be made a highlight and a foundation for your style. It’s the same with your typical behavior and the position you occupy in the society, unless it’s against the law and violates other people’s space.
Change your views on your own character or appearance. Replace the hated “need” with “want.” It’s known that you can only change something if you have a burning desire. And any attempts to deal with shortcomings through “I don’t want to” prove to be futile and useless.
None of us are perfect. But whilst some of us live well with their own flaws, for others, realization of their own faults prevents them from fully living and growing.
That’s why it is so important to start treating yourself with due respect. It’s enough to just love your flaws, and you can instantly change your own life for the better.
Our fictional and real flaws can become a serious source of bad moods and even give rise to real depression.
And it doesn’t matter what exactly you consider to be your bad sides – features of appearance or character traits, a knowledge gap or even your ancestry.
If you wish, you can eliminate some shortcomings, but many of your flaws will stay with you until the end. And this means that each of you has a choice – to suffer day after day because of your own inconsistency with the made-up perfection, or to accept yourself as you really are. With all your good and bad qualities. And if you do prefer the second option, you’ll soon see how much easier and more enjoyable it has become to live, to work, to communicate with friends and more.
Make a list of the flaws that genuinely worsen your mood. Try to analyze them by dividing into two categories – those that can be eliminated, and those that need to be accepted as part of yourself. As soon as you see all your flaws written out on a piece of paper, you’ll realize that they’re not that serious. And in the end, you’d be able to easily cope with them.
- Don’t hide your flaws. By trying to hide your own imperfection, you only generate an inferiority complex in yourself. If you are not tall, you shouldn’t always wear shoes with thick soles. That way, you’ll only emphasize and foster your fears. Put on some comfortable loafers and leave the house with a smile. Whatever features are unique to you, show them off with your head held high.
- Turn cons into pros. Sometimes there are new opportunities behind every flaw. For example, if you are a quiet person and rarely find yourself in the center of attention of a social group, then it’s time to create an image of a calm and understanding listener. And, perhaps, this way you’ll enjoy a lot more popularity than even the funniest person in your group.
Do refrain from comparisons. In no case should you compare yourself with other people – neither ordinary ones, nor celebrities, even . Such comparisons will never be objective, because you don’t completely have the whole picture. Someone else might bypass you in appearance or level of professional qualification, but you never know how much time and effort they’ve spent to get themselves to the level. Any comparisons would only oppress you, and you need to be physically and psychologically fit in order to improve yourself and confidently move forward.
Try viewing your flaws as features which make you an original and unique person.
Thanks to your flaws, you are different from other people, you look more fabulous and unconventional. There’s nothing wrong with being an individual, it’s far worse to fully follow an established, generally accepted template.
In other words, don’t rush to change the shape of your nose, get rid of the accent, or change your surname. First, make sure that you won’t lose your zest with these changes and won’t be part of the gray massas a result.
Therefore, don’t let your flaws become a cause of your bad mood. After all, with the right approach, they can even serve you well. The main thing is to look at your flaws from a completely different perspective.
We wish you elegant flaws and good mood!
Many people greatly enjoy enhancing what they do well, but to do well what works easily seems to be a shame. There’s nothing wrong with improving your natural talents and inclinations and taking them to a new level – from a hobby to a job. It’s these steps that gradually change the quality of life and smoothly, but not abruptly, lead to the most interesting decisions.
Accepting shortcomings is about more than merely choosing the position “yes, I am like that”, but also seeing a potential for development in the negative qualities. The habit of dropping your task halfway is often associated with a broken mechanism of motivation and encouragement that can be repaired. Wastefulness is fixed by good budgeting practices. Discipline is easy to foster with nice little responsibilities.
In addition, there are positive aspects to “flaws”, you just need to learn how to work with them. Superficion of judgments is often accompanied by the ability to see the full picture, ingenuity and a talent to delegate unpleasant tasks.
Is it trendy to have an iPhone, to always be effective and to be aware of the moment? Perhaps the trends don’t coincide with your personal idea of comfort and happiness. Give yourself an honest answer to the question about the extent of this or that trend really suiting you. Live your life, follow your internal priorities, and then you will no longer be ashamed by not meeting the requirements of society.
Stop calling your feature a “flaw”, let it be a “cherry on the cake”. Test yourself, train your self-awareness (remember the movie “The Most Charming and Attractive”?). Work on yourself, improve your “distinction” from others, let it become your business card. Pay more attention to the positive feedback about yourself. In your list, opposite each flaw, write the virtue that you have, and watch how this flaw develops into a virtue. And remember: being perfect is already a flaw. Accept yourself as you are and love yourself. Reduce your shortcomings, develop your virtues, love yourself and be happy!