Counter-dependency is a defensive behavior, when a person is afraid of intimacy and avoids it. In other words, such people are ready to avoid relationships no matter what.
Here are the main signs of a tendency to this trend:
- fear of coming closer together;
- anxiety (usually chronic);
- fear that I might hurt you, find out your weak points, and hit you.
Basic and typical thoughts
- “I don’t need anyone”;
- “In a relationship, I will lose myself”;
- “If a relationship has to happen, they’ll find me”;
- “There is no point in these conversations about feelings”;
- “There are no worthy people in this world”.
- avoidance of relationships;
- avoiding emotional intimacy (talking about feelings, etc.) in contact;
- the tendency to occupy yourself with a huge number of things and hobbies, so there is not enough space for a relationship;
- making high demands on the partner;
- the tendency to run away after the first date or first sex without explaining the reasons to another person;
- the tendency to choose unavailable partners;
Counter-dependence can be corrected with the help of psychotherapy (we also have a course in our app called “Counterdependency”). In addition to working in this direction, you can support yourself with hobbies aimed at stabilising and forming a balance.
A great way to separate yourself from the world of people, to be alone with yourself, such a personal paradise for a counter-dependent person. Now there is a large selection of different meditations for every taste. You can start with something small, just for a minute, and gradually increase the duration, complexity, saturation.
An excellent imitation of the escape that all counter-addicted people really want. When you run, there is a sense of freedom. And it’s very valuable.
And this desire will appear less often if you implement it on the physical level.
It’s often found that people with a counter-dependent tendency have a lot of restrictions in their body. It happens due to excessive tension, thick and sticky stress and anxiety.
By helping your body become more plastic and flexible, you will simultaneously trigger changes in your emotional state and thinking.
4. Playing wind instruments
Playing music on wind instruments helps to remove the throat and diaphragm blocks, which are frequent companions of the “elusive people”, because of the tendency to silence, concealing, and suppressing.
In addition, wind instruments require special breathing, which in turn reduces anxiety well.
5. Growing flowers
Or anything else: fruits, vegetables, greens.
Counter-addicted people often lack patience, so watching something grow gradually from a small seed planted in fertile soil will become a useful and therapeutic experience.
6. Creating and composing fragrances
There are master classes and schools for composing your own fragrances.
This is a great option for stabilising and creating a different mood.
For example, you can create a fragrance that will testify to your freedom and independence, and a special smell that relieves anxiety.
We hope that you will like some of the lessons. Take care of yourself!