Sex without a schedule

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While the media cheerfully reports on contraceptives selling out, hinting that all the unreleased energy of the socially isolated is now spent on incredible sex, many couples are faced with the opposite situation. Is there something wrong with them?! Not at all. Let’s figure this out.

Indeed, there are people whose libido elevates significantly during stress. Sex becomes a tool for them for relieving anxiety. On the one hand, that’s good, but if you look closely, that’s a bit meh. Because in this case, sex leaves the pleasure zone and enters the “how to calm down” segment. It would be nice to “return it to its place”; we’ll talk about specific methods a little later.

The reverse (and that’s more common in practice) is the decrease in desire and attraction amid strong anxiety.

Let’s take a look. A couple is locked up at home. The regular way of life is broken. The information storm is raging all over, and it can affect even the most devil-may-care people. In short, the general environment, to put it mildly, is unfavorable.

The internal atmosphere can also vibrate slightly (and for some, even hard), because in a small space, arguments, conflicts, and discontent escalate. And there’s almost nowhere to get resources for romance, pleasure and joint new experiences from.

Since most of us weren’t quarantined in 1000-square-meter mansions, but rather in modest apartments, it’s quite logical that the partners quite quickly become each other’s pain in the neck. And that’s normal to get annoyed, confronted with the feeling of “damn it, what do we even have in common”. It is normal, and in some cases it’s even very useful to begin looking more closely at each other.

And it’s quite natural that all these things are affecting sex. The quantity, quality and involvement in the process may be reduced.

Fortunately, there are ways to influence the sex life even in these tough times. 

First of all, it’s important to keep going on dates.

Yes, you can do this even if you are “locked up” at home. Dressing up for dinner, cooking something special (together or for each other), listening to music (or “attending” online concerts), lighting candles, carefully choosing a movie (as if you were going to a movie theater) and trying to switch off from errands and concerns, giving each other the loving looks.

Secondly, flirt. Send each other special messages from another room, hug and kiss your partner, snuggle up to him outside the bedroom, give him hints.

Thirdly, extend your foreplay. Yes, this is the moment to take your time with it. And it definitely doesn’t have to precede intercourse. It’s fun to create a so-called semi-sex zone. In other words, you’re touching, stroking, playing with each other, but don’t get to the action right away. And you can actually stop at any moment and not finish it.

A shower or a bath together where you’d just relax, laze about, give each other a sensual wash, a massage using oils or special sex candles (these candles burn at a low temperature and you can use them to create the atmosphere), languid kisses – the kind you used to have during the first few months of your relationship.

Fourthly, try new things, using simple and available tools.

Look around your apartment. A lot of interesting places for sex can be found there.

Don’t wait for an occasion. If you have an opportunity (no kids, relatives), you can start (and continue) teasing without waiting until you’re both in bed.

Switch your roles. If, for example, you’re usually the passive party, this is the time to take charge.

Use different textures to change up the touching sensations. For example, lace gloves, a feather, oil, ice.

Explore each other’s bodies. Change the scenario of the game: if your foreplay usually begins with kisses and gradually descends below, then a wonderful move would be to change the sequence. However, it’s good to adhere to the “from peripherals to the center” rule. That’s because if your foreplay immediately engages the genitals or the nipples, everything else will fade into the background

Blindfolds, imitation of handcuffs, the “you can look but you can’t touch” games – all of the above can seriously heat things up.

Sex toys. There are so many choices: vibrators, special lubes and gels, special foreplay trinkets. Basically, try it all.

What you definitely shouldn’t do:

  1. Approach sex as a routine, like: we ate our borsch, we watched TV, we had a quickie.
  2. Use sex to relieve anxiety. It’s best to work with it using other strategies – they’re more effective and less risky.